Reliable Help

The two women sat at the patio table by the pool, the umbrella shading them from the heat of the July sun. Brooke read Leah’s resume in silence. 

“So what makes you want to be a nanny?” Brooke asked finally, setting the resume on the table and looking at Leah.

“I really like kids,” Leah began, feeling awkward and quickly adding, “I’ve always worked in offices where…well, to be honest, everyone is unhappy. Kids are fun.”

Leah felt the tension in her body release. Telling the truth felt much better than the rehearsed responses she had been giving to other potential employers. What did it really matter what she said anyways? She’d already received several rejections from women just like Brooke all summer.

Brooke smiled. Her teeth were perfectly aligned and unnaturally white, the type of teeth Leah had only seen in toothpaste commercials. 

“I know what you mean. I worked in an office for years, and it was miserable!” She laughed. “So, I know this is short notice, but are you free tonight? I have a workout group on Thursdays, and with my other nanny quitting yesterday, I need someone right away.”

Leah arched her eyebrows in surprise.

 “Are you hiring me?” 

“Yes, if you can start tonight.” 

“Sure, I can do that,” Leah confirmed, nodding her head eagerly. 

“Ok great. Come back here around 6. See you then,” Brooke said, holding out her hand.

The two women shook hands. Brooke led Leah out of the pool area, past the manicured gardens and through the back gate, and waved to her as Leah walked to her car.

As Leah got in her car and started the engine, sweating from the short walk, she took in her new reality. She had a job. Finally. She thought of how excited her mother would be when she called to tell her. But as the excitement waned on her drive home, anxiety crept in. 

What the hell did she know about taking care of a baby?

By 6:15 that night Leah nearly cringed when Brooke introduced her to the baby.

“This is baby Esther!” Brooke said, picking up a plump little girl out of a bouncy seat, her light pink onesie bunching around the baby’s chubby thighs. Brooke placed Esther into Leah’s arms. 

“Oh, cute name,” Leah lied, surprised at how heavy the baby was. 

The baby looked up at Leah with big blue eyes and immediately began crying. 

“She does that,” Brooke informed her as she walked to the fridge, grabbed some milk, some ice, and cut up mango in a container, and walked over to the island counter that took up most of the kitchen. She reached into a cabinet under the counter, pulling out a blender.

The baby’s cries grew from displeased to sure panic, her wails deafening, her tiny face growing red. Leah bounced the baby up and down, nervous her first 15 minutes on the job would be her last if the baby didn’t calm down.

“She’s very needy,” Brooke told Leah, absentmindedly, not looking up from the task of placing everything into the blender. She placed the cover on the blender and flipped the on switch. The blender erupted with a noise resembling a vacuum sucking up nails. 

Leah, still bouncing Esther up and down, began to pace around the kitchen. Brooke was yelling over the blender and the baby, explaining something about her husband Leah couldn’t quite hear.

“What was that?” Leah asked when the blender finally stopped.

“I said my husband will be home later. Probably around 8. So don’t be worried when a large man with a beard walks through the door!” 

Leah managed a small fake laugh and said she was looking forward to meeting him. 

Brooke finished pouring her smoothie into her sports bottle and put the blender in the sink.

“I’ll be back around 10. Would you mind cleaning the sink?” She asked, and before Leah could respond, she walked over to Esther, who had calmed down some since the blender stopped, and patted her lightly on the head.

“Bye, sweetie!” She said in a high-pitched voice people used when talking to their dogs. “Be a good girl for Leah please!” 

Brooke looked up at Leah, smiled, and walked out of the kitchen towards the front door.

Once Leah heard the garage door open and Brooke’s car motor fade away from the street outside, Leah sighed deeply. She looked at the baby in her arms, a baby that was getting increasingly more heavy the longer she held her, and forced a smile.

“What have I gotten myself into, huh?” She asked the baby in a sweet voice, running a hand over the baby’s bald scalp. “You’re so cute, but why would they give you a name like Esther? Why would they do that to you, little baby?”

Leah looked at the clock and noted it was only 6:30. 

What do babies do? She asked herself as she walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. The house was decorated elaborately with dozens of signed items from musicians. There was a champagne glass signed by Tupac hanging above the fireplace. An outfit worn by Elton John towering on the wall next to the bookshelf. A signed picture of Billie Holiday hanging above the entryway to the front door.  Leah looked around at all the items, and estimated how much money each item must have been worth.

 On her own walls of her 700  square foot apartment Leah had old license plates from cars she no longer owned. She had Christmas lights still strung around her living room. Her kitchen had a two burner stove and a tiny sink, spilling over with dirty dishes. 

“I guess that’s why they can afford someone to take care of you,” Leah told Esther, who was blinking her eyes, heavy with sleep. Leah decided to put her down for the night — babies went to bed early anyway, didn’t they? — and walked up the stairs to find the baby’s room. 

Upstairs, she wondered why Brooke would let a complete stranger into her home full of valuables, not to mention to take care of her five-month-old baby. She wandered around walking from room to room. One room was a pristine gym, another a guest room. Another room was an office, a sign reading, “Caution: Girl Boss at Work” in pink letters hanging above the desk. Leah assumed this to be Brooke’s office and recoiled at the idea of a grown woman choosing this decor.

After passing a bathroom and a game room, Leah finally reached the bedroom.

“Jesus, you guys are rich,” she said to the baby, who no longer was awake to hear her. 

She walked into the baby’s room and placed Esther into her crib as slowly as she could. 

As she made her way back downstairs she stopped at the door of the master bedroom. The large double doors were closed, begging for Leah to peek inside — only a quick look, she told herself as she opened the door. 

Inside the bedroom, the lights were off, but the fading sunlight from the huge glass windows gave enough light to see inside. She was taken aback by what she saw. The bed was unmade, blankets and sheets lying crumpled on the carpet next to the bed, pillows thrown all around the room. The nightstand next to the left side of the bed held several empty scotch glasses, some with a small amount of scotch still left in the bottom of the glass. She could see the counters of the attached bathroom — empty contact cases and Red Bull cans and bottles upon bottles of pills lined the counter. 

Leah stepped out of the room in a rush and closed the doors. She walked as fast as she could, finding her way to the kitchen and taking a seat at the island. She sat in silence, listening to the chirp of a fire alarm in need of a battery change somewhere in another room.

The baby had been asleep for an hour by the time Leah heard a car pull into the garage. She had checked on Esther four or five times in that hour, going as far as making sure the infant was breathing in her crib by peering over her and studying the rise and fall of her chest. At the sound of the car, she quickly turned off the TV in the living room she had eventually wandered to and sat up in the recliner chair, nervously waiting for the front door to open.

When the door opened a tall man with a heavy middle, dressed in golf clothes walked in.

“Hello,” Leah said, standing up off her chair.

The man stared at her, thrown off. 

 “I’m Leah, the new nanny,” she added.

The man smiled at her and chuckled.

“Oh man, another new one,” He said. He put down the golf bag he had slung over his shoulder on the floor. 

“These go in the garage,” He told her, pointing to the bag, and walked off through the living room, past Leah, into the kitchen.

Leah stood there with a look of confusion on her face.

“What the fuck?” She whispered to herself, walking over to the bag. “Didn’t he just come from the garage?”

She reluctantly put the bags back in the garage. She wasn’t sure where to put them so she just left them propped up against a wall in the corner. She stood in the dark of the cemented walls for a moment, trying to remind herself she had wanted this job. She had quit her other job at the bank to be a nanny. She thought she would be happy around babies. She had imagined herself helping a blissful mother change diapers, assisting a father make dinner. Her gut sank as she walked back inside the house.

Inside, the man was sitting in the chair she had been sitting in only a moment before, a full scotch glass in his hand already. Leah was surprised he hadn’t waited for her to come back in to pour it for him.

“I’m Jerry, by the way,” He told her, taking a sip from his glass.

He took the remote off the kitchen table. With a press of a button the television lit up. He flipped through the channels mindlessly, sipping his drink.

“Nice to meet you,” she said. 

Suddenly, the baby’s cries from upstairs echoed down into the living room. Jerry made no move from his seat to retrieve his crying daughter. Instead he shook the ice in his glass and took another long sip.

“She never sleeps too long,” Jerry told Leah without looking up from the TV. “terrible napper.”

“That’s a baby for you,” she joked, unsure if she was expected to go to Esther, or if Jerry was about to get up.

A moment passed. Jerry looked at her, his eyebrows raised a bit.

“You gonna get her or…?” he asked, waving a hand toward the staircase.

Leah nodded and walked upstairs to tend to the baby.

 Esther was unconsolable. Leah tried to feed her, but she refused to take the bottle. She tried changing her, but the diaper was dry. She tried burping her, rocking in the rocking chair, walking around the house. Esther kept crying and crying until Leah thought the inside of her brain would explode out of her ears.

Walking around with the baby made the small of her back ache. She walked to the kitchen and leaned against the island, Esther screaming more when Leah stopped pacing.

Jerry walked in and looked at her. He smirked.

“This baby is impossible,” He said matter-of-factly as he walked past her to the fridge. 

“Do you guys know why she cries so much? I mean, I tried everything but…” Leah’s voice trailed off, feeling like a failure. There was a knot in her stomach that tightened every minute Esther continued to cry.

“Who knows. Doctor said she’s ok,” He shrugged. “Kids are just like that. You ever nanny before this?” 

Leah shook her head, feeling red heat collect in her cheeks.

“Hmm. Well, you’re really getting thrown into with this one,” He pointed at Esther. “We don’t really even like kids, but Brooke is 39 and I’m 55 so it was like a now or never kind of thing.” 

Esther’s cries died down to a whimper. Her tiny body relaxed a bit in the nook of Leah’s arms.

Jerry walked toward Leah. She felt uncomfortable with how close he was to her.

“Hey there,” He said quietly to his daughter. He looked at her like he was meeting her for the first time. “You’re going to be nice to…” He stopped. He looked up at Leah and made a puzzled expression.

“Leah.” She reminded him, looking down at her feet to avoid his eyes.

Esther stopped crying. Her tiny fingers reached up and grabbed a lock of Leah’s long hair, gently tugging it to her mouth. Leah looked up to smile at Jerry — this is why people loved babies, so sweet, so gentle — but Jerry just turned and walked away.

When Brooke arrived home at 10:30— half an hour after she said she would be home— she didn’t appear to be a person who had just come from a long four hour workout. Her brown hair was still flowing in curls over her shoulders. Her dark eyes held the eye makeup she left the house with, not a single smudge.  Her workout clothes were free of sweat.

“How’d it go?” Brooke asked as she set her purse down on the coffee table. 

“Esther cried a little bit but she is asleep now,” Leah began, trying to erase any sound of stress from her voice. 

“I know she does cry a lot, I’m so sorry. She has just had so many nannies, she’s not used to all these people handling her. It’s just so hard to find reliable help.”

Leah felt a rise of guilt as Brooke said this. It showed in her face. Brooke looked at her with worry.

“You’re going to come back tomorrow, right?” Brooke asked, her voice wavering.

Leah said nothing. An image of Esther popped into her head then; another new nanny holding her, trying to soothe her. She thought about saying yes, she’d be back tomorrow. After all, Esther was only a baby, and it wasn’t her fault she was so fussy. But then she remembered Jerry and the smell of his breath as he stood in front of her earlier.  Leah looked up at Brooke, biting her lower lip, unsure of what to say.

Brooke’s smile she walked through the door with had vanished. Her face grew pale. She suddenly looked sick.

 ‘Please don’t quit,” Brooke said, stepping closer to Leah, “please don’t leave me to do this alone.”

She walked up to Leah, her eyes welling up with tears.

“The baby doesn’t stop crying even for me,” Brooke said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “My breasts hurt all the time. They leak! I wake up to a wet shirt every few hours. I can’t leave the house without an extra bra.”

Leah nodded but said nothing. What could she say? 

“I’m really sorry—” Leah started, but Brooke cut her off.

“I’m begging you! Is it the pay? I’ll pay you more.”

“It’s not the pay.”

“Is it the hours? What hours would work for you?”

Leah didn’t respond. Instead, she walked to the coat rack. 

“I can’t do this,” Brooke cried. “Please.”

Leah turned to Brooke before she opened the door. Brooke was no longer looking at her. She was staring at the wall, life seemingly gone from her eyes, silently crying.

Outside, the night air was chilly, and the street was empty. Inside her car, Leah sighed. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She decided that was tomorrow’s problem. When the car turned on she rolled down her windows to take in the fresh air. Before she drove off she heard the sound of breaking glass erupt from inside the house from which she just came.